Here at the Green Tortoise we understand that the world economy is suffering. Yesterday in Union Square an aristocratic looking fellow sporting a three hundred dollar suit and shiny comb-over asked to use my lighter. I handed him my fake-gold encrusted zippo, which he promptly ran away with. I chased him for a block, but his penny loafers were like winged chariots. I really miss that zippo.
Anyway, what all this means for you is empathy. We know that your 401Ks and stock investments are dwindling, and interest in your novelty store (meat products shaped like Dickens characters) is waning. So here is a list of cheap eats in the neighborhood which neither your stomach or your wallet will find offensive.
SAM WO’S RESTAURANT
813 Washington St
San Francisco, CA 94108
(415) 982-0596
$5-10 per person
This place is truly unique. Featured in a segment on the Conan O’Brien show and for many years a secret shared jealously amongst the San Francisco elite, what will charm you most about Sam Wo’s is there utter refusal to pander to anyone’s concept of what “charming” is. The waitress may or may not greet you, and she may or may not take your order correctly, and she may or may not thank you as you leave. She won’t even be happy that you’re leaving. They are stoic across the board. The only reason to come here is for the food, it is all delicious and incredibly cheap. So, so very delicious. Try their chow fun with barbecued pork and greens, and you won’t even realize that the only view you have is of a stained brick wall.
SAM’S BURGERS
618 Broadway
San Francisco, CA 94133
(415) 391-1539
$3-6 per person
Greasy and filling, this joint will surely test the strength of your stomach. The pain afterwards is cathartic, like a waterfall gushing through your guts, a stagnant meadow glowing algae green. And the fries? Just eat ‘em, and you tell me if you didn’t just get a little taste of the heart of America.
GOOD LUCK DELI
621 Kearny St
San Francisco, CA 94108
(415) 781-2328
$3-7 per person
A GT employee favorite. What is a BLAT, you ask? Well, one answer is an acronym for Bacon, Lettuce, Avocado, and Tomato (tow-MAH-toe for all you Brits), and another answer it’s happiness between two pieces of delicious, toasted bread.
BUSTER’S PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS
366 Columbus Ave
(between Grant Ave & Vallejo St)
San Francisco, CA 94133
(415) 392-2800
$6-11 per person
Philly Cheese Steak may be the most underappreciated American contribution to the culinary arts, and Buster’s is working at a frantic, Da Vincian pace to eliminate the world’s ignorance. In less than five minutes and for less than ten bucks, you’ll get a sandwich that will close your eyes and fill your head with images of the Statue of Liberty, the Liberty Bell, and “Catch Liberty” (that movie with Mandy Moore and the dude form “Shall We Dance?).
